So. I don’t know how I feel about being here in the UK. Now wait I do think, the UK is awesome, so is the school, but its just. BLAH! I have no money, no way to go out and about. I have no internet, and I am just in my room because some of the people here annoy me. I am rooming with all freshmen, its VERY loud, annoying and just blah!! They are immature and it is driving me insane. Some of them are kind, but others are just icy. I feel somewhat like an outcast like I did in high school. It is funny, you would think that they would act right when they go to uni.. but its like the petty high school drama follows them. It would be fine, if it didn't take up so much time. It is exhausting.
I miss home. I miss my friends, my family, everything. There I would be bored, but I could get online, I could call someone to hang out. Here, no phone, not internet. So the ONLY way I can go out anywhere is finding the person. It is getting a little old just sitting in my room doing nothing. I am paying out the ass for this place and I am stuck in my room.
The Americans are annoying me to no end, save a couple, and of course my friend SaBrandi… She is pretty sweet, and cool.
I ask to hang out, tell them to come and grab me if they want to hang, and nope, they go get other people. I get my hopes up, that yay I can finally go out, and boom.. nope.. they got someone else. I was invited to go out tonight, for this girls birthday, but I have no money, and so what fun would it be to just go out and not be able to drink?? Yes I could see some people, but it is pointless.
I met two gay guys so far they seem cool, but idk if I could bring myself to date them. I mean, they are cute yes, but I don’t really know them and I am scared..I just don’t know how to act around them., do I be myself? Do I just act like I don’t notice them? I don’t even know how to act like myself, this façade is getting old, chipping away until it finally decays, but will I like what I finally see?… what if I fall for them… what then?? I kid saying how I want to get citizenship here, but that is next to impossible and plus I just don’t want to do that to my mom. I know it would be better for me but I just don’t think I could emotionally handle it right now plus she would be devastated. I just want a day to myself, but then I get lonely and then depressed. It just sucks and I just don’t know anymore. I know I made the right choice in places, it is just boring….. and lonely despite having SaBrandi here, I feel more alone than I have in a long time..
I do not even know how to act around some of these people.
I am told, just be yourself, but I don't even know who that is. I have acted how society has wanted me to since I came out of the closet, now that I really have this chance to really find myself I cannot seem to do it.. I am too scared.
Oh well. enough of my crybaby drama.. England is still amazing, but I needed to vent.
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